Tag: home

Full Mangers

img_3270
I love this picture because it perfectly illustrates 1) 2 of the many amazing moms in my life who I am blessed to call friends and 2) that pre-Corona joy of filling our house to the brim with people!

It’s Mother’s Day 2020 and we’ll never forget this one will we? What ever your usual tradition might be, it– like everything else in our lives– has likely been altered this year.  Some of you moms are feeling like you’ve earned this day now more than ever after having spent weeks on end cooped up at home with your kids. For those of us who were already homeschooling life may not have changed all that much other than doing things like church, lessons, Bible study and shopping, on-line now from home.  Either way, ALL of us are spending more time at home than we used to, and for some of us whose homes are full of other people that can be stretching to say the least.  There’s nothing like being stripped of all your natural escape mechanisms to heighten the sensation of confinement. If you are a mom whose experience of late has either revealed or reaffirmed your perception of home as a prison, this post is for you.

I recently posted a video on Instagram of an extremely brief tour of the main part of our house. It wasn’t brief because I walked through quickly. It was brief because our entire kitchen/dining/living area is contained on a single 23×17 foot room.  This is where our life is centered. It’s also our school room, game room and Tom’s study space for seminary. Our house also includes a little downstairs den which we use as our master bedroom, while our 5 boys and all their musical instruments, hunting, fishing, camping, and hockey gear occupy the real master and 2 tiny bedrooms under the eaves upstairs. There is also a half bath upstairs, a half bath downstairs and a little shower/laundry room. Yes, I share a single shower with 6 males.

I tell you all this, because if anyone can start to feel a little choked by their surroundings its me. I understand what some of you might be experiencing right now. I understand what its like to wake up to a full manger everyday and to sometimes feel its walls closing in. I understand what its like to long for, if even for a moment, a clean, quiet and perhaps roomier house. But friends there’s a tradeoff here, because according to Proverbs 14:4 a clean manger is an empty one.

“Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,                                                                 but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.”

In 2015 I devoted a whole year to blogging about life with a house full of little ones here under the title of Full Manger. At that time we were living in a third floor resort condo on the beach in Kona, HI.  You can read about some of the blessings and challenges associated with that living arrangement by clicking here, here, and here. 5 years later 3 of those boys are now teenagers and our little manger in the mountains is fuller than ever. Because I’m a perpetual tidier, always cleaning as I go, my life seems to be an endless cycle of relocating the many belongings of 7 people with widely varying interests.

But it’s times like this that I’m reminded of all the empty mangers around me. I think first of the elderly, many of whom were already orphaned by their families who placed them in nursing homes and left them to die alone. Others are in the same situation having abandoned their own families and are now lying in the bed they made. Still other elderly folks live alone but are accustomed to the constant care and attention of devoted families but have been forced into isolation by Corona protocol and are lonely and anxious and confused by these new circumstances. I think of empty-nesters with kids off at college or starting their own families and who were just finding new purpose in life through church and community and volunteer opportunities, all now put on hold. And what about those couples who desperately want to be parents and fill their mangers with little lives but have been prevented from doing so? How about young singles? Have you thought what these long, lonely weeks must be like for them?

This Mothers Day, I just want to encourage you moms who can think of nothing better than a chance to escape the life-filled home that you’ve been confined to, to consider the alternative. Let us rejoice in the fullness of our manger, knowing that as loud and messy and crowded as it may be, that it is our blessed strength in times like these. It might be quarantine life, but it is life abundant, and its life worth celebrating. Happy Mothers Day!

Oh and here’s a little poem I wrote back in Hawaii about all the nests Tom and I had occupied over the years.

Nest One was a basement suite;
Ocean front, with gorgeous view
and included in the rent
was carbon monoxide poisoning for two.

Nest Two was a little beach shack
with an odd, chemically smell.
Turns out it was a former lab
where meth-heads used to dwell.

Nest Three was the Parsonage
adjacent to the church.
If we ever missed a service
they didn’t have far to search.

Nest 4 was our city digs;
an apartment -normal, boring.
Nest 5 was a real live house
which sent our spirits soaring.

So much in fact, we got to work
and immediately added chicks.
But 2 weeks after the fourth was born
we moved into Nest 6.

That tiny cabin in the woods
was an answer to my prayer
for a lot less house and a lot more dirt
and that fresh, cool mountain air.

Nest 7 was a lot more house
but still had forest all around
and by then I was quite proud
of the perfect place I’d found.

But God had other plans in mind
and He moved us on once more.
Nest 8 is where we’ve landed now
on this warm, Hawaiian shore.

*When I was pulling that poem off of the old blog post I noticed a comment my Dad had left on there. He had added his own lines to my poem and it turns out they were quite prophetic!

“Cayucos, Fresno, Oakhurst, Palomar.
Then the warm Hawaiian shore.
Nest 9 surely the future beckons,
Back where the towering Sierras soar!”

 Now go check out Titus McEntee’s Mothers Day tribute on Youtube by clicking here

There’s No Place But Home

IMG_1657

Praise God that after an uncertain weekend regarding our sole source of income Tom is now able to work again remotely.  We are hearing of more and more families that are being affected financially by these extreme measures to reduce illness in our country. Perhaps you’re not being affected financially but your world has been turned upside down in other ways. Maybe you have loved ones at home with pre-existing conditions that you are fighting to protect. Or maybe the fighting is on other fronts. Perhaps a difficult living situation is now being exasperated by the lock down. There are all kinds of issues at play right now that can easily create a stressful environment in the homes we’ve been sequestered to. Don’t let the perhaps new experience of homeschooling be one of them.

I want to be sensitive to those for whom home is not a happy sanctuary right now. But I also want to encourage you moms out there who have it in your power to make the place of your family’s confinement a little less prison-like. Take it from a recovering perfectionist.  Moms have the capacity to bring more misery into the home than any virus and sometimes homeschool can be the perfect vehicle for that misery.

A little background:  We’ve been homeschooling for over 10 years but my homeschool ambitions pre-date that by probably another 10, maybe 20. It’s the only thing I ever wanted to do. And after a miserable public school career myself, I wanted to do a very thorough job of it. I even got a degree in Philosophy just because it was the closest thing the university offered to a classical education, which I considered absolutely essential to intellectual formation. I was literally making scope-and-sequence spreadsheets and writing up science and Bible curriculum before our first child was ever born.

Then we had boys. 5 of them. It took me about 10 minutes to realize my well-wrought plans might need a little tweaking. It’s taken me about 10 years to finally come to terms with my strengths and weakness as a homeschool mom. While we were living in Hawaii I blogged through several years of that journey on these three sites: God Made Known, Of Skies and Seas, and Full Manger. Each of those links is to a post chronicling the trial and error process of trying to get this homeschooling thing right.

The evolution continued when we moved back to California and I adopted our 7-by-11, Delve-till-Twelve, Done-by-One schedule. This means that each boy has 7 tasks they needed to accomplish independently by 11AM. Those tasks included such basics as “brush your teeth” for the youngest, morning chores for all and subjects like math, spelling and music practice for the olders. I really like this feature because it’s super flexible allowing kids to choose the order in which they want to get things done, or getting it all done the night before if they want to spend their morning hours hunting, fishing, playing hockey on the frozen pond or just sleeping in. By 11 I’ve had a chance to do my tasks, down a few cups of coffee and spend some time with the youngest on reading before we all come together for Bible, science and history.  These are the subjects we really get into. I do a lot of just reading aloud but we also do a lot of discussion. In other words, we Delve-till-Twelve.  That’s when Dad comes home for lunch so we take a break and then clean everything up. Which means on a good day, we’re Done-by-One and they’re free for the rest of the day.  Now I have a sophomore and freshman in high school so they do have extra work later in the day, but in general this is the schedule that works best for us. At least for now.

My point in all this is that homeschooling can become really stressful, really fast if you’re not willing to be flexible with expectations, activities, resources and schedules.

  1. Having a houseful of active boys meant that I had to give up on my child-hood dreams of a one-room-school house like setting where my kids sat in old-fashioned desks and listened to me instruct them from the chalkboard in all the classics. Instead they sprawl on the floor and scoot back and forth on a skateboard or hang upside down from the sofa as I read to them about whatever we find interesting.
  2. As my boys grew their tolerance for crafts and busy-work disappeared which meant I had to let go of all things cute or clever.  I cannot think of a single thing we do now that would be deemed Pinterest worthy.  They want the information and if I can’t get it for them, they want to find it themselves. They want to talk about what they’re learning. They want to plot and plan and put what they’re learning into practice themselves.
  3. Not all curricula are created equal. Or egalitarian. Mostly they’re designed by girls, for girls. The agrarian themed Mennonite published materials that I was so enamored with early on were absolutely loathsome to my blood-thirsty boys. They don’t want to study farm animals, they want to study fierce and hostile predators. The most exciting thing about history for them is not the womens suffrage movement. It’s war. Thankfully, there’s plenty of material for them in that regard. And word problems in math should just never, ever involve Betty and her bake sale.
  4. Finally scheduling. Some kids thrive in a highly structured environment. They like the security of being told what to do and how and when to get it done. They need a well-regulated rhythm. I have about a half of one of those kids. He volunteers to make more rules (I hate rules) one minute but breaks the few that we have the next. He asks for a written schedule and then spends all his time ignoring it. He insists he needs a thorough explanation for an assignment and then argues his way out of doing it that way. In general I’ve learned that most boys really just want one thing more than anything else in the world and that’s FREEDOM. That’s why traditional school can be such torture for some of them.  And homeschool can become the same way if flexibility doesn’t reign supreme.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a proponent of chaos. I’m a recovering perfectionist, remember? I’m the type who can’t sit down to read a book in a messy room. I make my bed every morning and clean the kitchen overnight. Loud noises rattle my nerves to the core. Spreadsheets are my friend. So God gave me a fun-loving, impulsive husband and 5 adventuresome boys who would probably be leading a very tidy but bored existence if it weren’t for their Dad to balance me out. In other words, I’ve had to learn to be flexible. To laugh at myself and my failures. To trust a faithful and merciful Heavenly Father who has led our family every step of the way.

And I’ve had to learn to make home a sanctuary, not a prison. To know the difference and draw the line between order and obsession, between fun and frenzy, between comfort and chaos, between pretty and Pinterest-worthy, between structure and slavery-to-a-schedule, between teaching and tyranny. I’ve had to learn balance and moderation and flexibility and letting-go and economy and grace and—all the while it was my kids that were supposedly being home-schooled.

What might this new experience of being “stuck-at-home-all-day-with-your-kids” have to teach you? By God’s grace we will all come out of this historical event a little more conformed to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ, and a little more peace in the places we call “home.”